i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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