Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
