Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
