My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i think my cat just said my name.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
