i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize