After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
