I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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