So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I had to cum in my sink.
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