Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
