I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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