Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
