youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
