I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
