i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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