I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
