i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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