anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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