so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
