There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
