He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize