I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
