U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize