I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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