I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
