it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I looked at my own cervix.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
