I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this will be a night to untag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
