Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
