The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize