The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
