I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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