He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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