well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
