I want to walk on stilts...naked
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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