you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
