I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
