Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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