How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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