Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
