He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
