If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
