is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
