Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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