stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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