so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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