is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
