I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
