I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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