I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
