Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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