His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
