Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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