Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
