he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
