Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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