Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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