so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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