someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
