I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
