i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
