Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
