remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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