I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
