Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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