Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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