I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
