What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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