new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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