my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize