I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All the doctor said was why
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
