Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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