I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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