Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
