I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
