You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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