you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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