Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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