My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
