oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
