you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
