Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
