I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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