I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
