also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
