I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
