Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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