When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
