Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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