somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize