after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
