I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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