So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize