just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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