Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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