Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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