This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
