areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
