I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize