Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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