I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
