i just had sex bonerless
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We talked him into tasing himself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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