My room smells like vodka and shame
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
