paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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