dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize