its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
