Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize