I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
