Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
