he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
