I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
