Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
