at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize