talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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