shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
