is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
