Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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