My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
