in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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