why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
