god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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