I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Who died my cat blue again?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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